try to read more: 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

"What would Jesus do?"

The entry you are about to read is a blog created by Ann Hefflinger. She was one of the two missionaries that came to our church last two weeks or so. I want you all to read this because, maybe, all of us had felt what she experienced in this story. The first story she is about to tell happened near our place. Please take time to read. Thanks

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I'm not sure how to say this, or how to fit it in, so I'm just going to. Mission trips are not completely all fun and games. They are amazing and they are fun, but most the time I don't post some of the terrible things I see because I do not want to dwell on them. However, one evening, this year, on Dec 20, 2009,

I saw my first legless man hop himself across the road...

I also watched as hundreds of people streamed passed him and did there best to avoid him by completely ignoring him. We were at a bus stop in front of Jolibees when we heard some ruckus and two young boys went running by. We turned around to see the cause of this, and there hoping towards us was a legless man. Everyone, including myself, turned away as he continued to quickly hop passed us and to the edge of the road. I could barely comprehend what I just saw, so I turned to look at him again. I did not want to look at his legs, so I looked at his face, and was captivated by what I saw. He was young looking, maybe in his 20s or 30s. His eyes did not have that hallow, empty look like so many homeless. And though it seemed so out of place, and almost wrong, he looked happy and somewhat content. But he had big scar on his right cheek that told me his life was anything but happy. I was surprised that He did not look at us, nor was he begging for money. He just studied the road intently, and once let out a weird sounding cry, as if he was trying to speak but couldn't. Then I noticed he wore sandals on his hands. I assume so that they wouldn't be shredded as he hopped around the city.

A couple times I thought he would turn and look as us, maybe ask for money, or chase us like he chased the boys, but he never did. I kept expecting him to make eye contact with sad, sad eyes, but he would not. He just sat there, waiting for the road to clear. I wanted to say something to him, do something, anything but stare. I asked Pastor if I should give him money. He said No. I figured because then everyone would want money. I asked if we should do something, but everyone just looked at me with an amused compassion and said something I don't remember. All I was hearing is that they didn't want to help, and even louder, my own guilt for not doing anything. My heart was breaking for this man. I wanted so badly to talk to him, to share Jesus's love with him, and let him know not everyone was ignoring him, and that someone cares, but to be honest, i was afraid of him. Could he even speak? Would he be angry with me for taking pity on him? (He looked very vicious with the boys) Or would he appreciate it if I talked to him? Treated him like a human, and not a dog? A very faint memory of a wheel chair ministry came to my mind, and thought maybe it was Ser Jess I heard mention it. I asked Ser Jess about it, but he had no idea what I was talking about. He said he'd consider it. I wanted very bady to get this man a wheel chair. A feeling creep into my heart, and I knew it was wrong to feel this way, but i was frustrated that none of the men would step up and talk to him. After all, it might be safer, and more normal for them to speak with him. Another memory from Africa, of one of our leaders carrying a young girl with cybrilpalsy to the doctor, jumped into my head. It didn't really matter that I was a girl, and the guys were probably just as scared as me. Deep in my heart, I knew I should try to reach out to this man. But I hesitated, and about the time I felt like I was going to risk my life and talk to him, the road cleared and he hopped very quickly across the road on his hands, and disappeared into the dark streets.

I was relieved, but also cut like a knife and as I walked across the street and jumped into a van with Jesus stickers all over it. Shame poured over me like water. What kind of christian am I? I like to think i'm helping when I share the gospel, or participate in prayer meeting, or when I play with beautiful healthy orphan children, or hold a bible study, but is it all hypocritial if I won't help someone who really needs it?

Someone who does not have a safe place to live, who can't speak, who probably doesn't have any friends or family, who doesn't even have legs??

The story of this leg-less man continues to torment me. What would Jesus have done? He surely would not have stood by and watched. Jesus would probably heal him, or at least talk to him. The only way i've been comforted is to know that Jesus loves this man, and his heart is breaking for him too. And not just because he's leg-less, but for his soul. He could be saved, and that would explain the light in his eyes, but what if he's not? I know Jesus is intercessing for this man, and i'll be praying for him too. Maybe our story is not over. RM said he's been directing cars at that Jolibee's for years, and sometimes people pay him or give him food. Maybe i'll see him again next year, and next year, maybe i'll be able to do something. Maybe I could try to talk with him. Maybe we could get him a wheel chair and he could live with us at Saringyaman. Maybe he could learn to speak, read and write. Best of all, maybe he'll learn of Jesus and accept him into his heart!

I fell so unqualifyed for this, but if no one else will, i will.

Please be praying for this man (and me), and all the missionaries all around the world that have to deal with things like this every single day. Pray for the ugly, crippled, disabled, and legless, because in reality, they are beautiful, wonderful people just like the rest of us. It's hard enough what they have to go through, and most of them do it alone.
Why are the hands of God (us christians) not reaching?

"Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ" ~ Casting Crowns song

Obviously, the story of this man has greatly impacted me, and for awhile I forgot that there are Christians helping the disabled. I realize there are a lot of Christians doing a lot to help the disabled. There are many wheel chair missions, medical clinics, hospitals, families adopting disabled and mentally ill children etc. Even my church was involved with raising money for a hospital for disabled children in Africa. It just all seems so impersonal because i've never been so close to a disabled person, who hasn't been helped, and no idea of how to help in real life.
And even though I despaired for awhile over this one man's life, I am comforted that others are being healed, and that

JESUS IS MOVING, HIS HANDS ARE HEALING, HIS WORDS ARE TEACHING, AND HIS LOVE IS SHOWING THE LOST THE WAY!

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--> "What would Jesus do?" This one really hit me. Most of us go to church every Sunday, for some even everyday, to listen to God's word. Don't we realize what does the Word of God wants us to do? Reach out to people and share them what we have, and that is Jesus. I mean ALL people. Most of the time, we choose the people we want to have a conversation. We're choosy that is. But God wants all people to be saved: the crippled, the mute, the ill, everyone! That is because God loves us all and He wants to share His love to all of us, with us realizing it. To experience life with Jesus as the center of it. It would be really nice to die in body and live forever in spirit, don't you think?

Always do to the answer "What would Jesus do?" I'm sure, it'll be the best thing to be done. :)

Anne's blog ---> link

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Friday, December 25, 2009

happy birthday, Jesus!

Wow! It's Christmas! Lord, Happy Birthday to You! I really thank You for giving up your thrown in heaven just to blend with us, to save us from our sins. You definitely showed us that Love transcends all things! Thank You very much. With that, we are loving You back, commemorating Your selfless act. We greet You a very happy birthday .

Monday, November 9, 2009

my Christmas (most probably)

I know, Christmas is approaching. I've been seeing it in television because and in houses where some have already been decorated and I've been hearing Christmas songs being played in the air waves. Even the climate is telling me that Christmas is already approaching as the cool breeze of air touches my whole body as the night approaches. There is just one thing that bothers me. When I watched a variety show this lunch time, there was this contestant that was asked by the hosts what is Christmas for her. She answered, "Ung magkakasama kami ng pamilya ko," and the whole crowd and the hosts clapped as if agreeing to her, and it sadden me. Now that my two sisters have gone to Abu Dhabi to work, basing what the contestant said, will there be no Christmas for my parents and me? :|

This will be, for me, the saddest Christmas yet for my two sisters are not here to celebrate the happiest season with us. Whenever this idea passes through my mind, I can't help but cry, cry as if my eyes are the source of the water for the rain. We all became closer, I think, after a confrontation occurred between me and my oldest sister. I start to love them more after the amends on the conflict. The relationship among us siblings grew stronger as well as the family bond. I miss them so badly! The nagging of my sisters to me, the little favors I do for them, the laughs we share together, the whispering of gossips and, most especially, the time when we go to church every Sunday together. Damn! I so miss them! But there is nothing I can do as of now but to hold on to the memories we shared together. I pray for them, for their safety. I know that God's is always watching them. I hope that time will be much faster so that we can all be together, again so that we can celebrate Christmas together!

Christmas for me isn't just being with my family, friends, my partner, having gifts, or not having new clothes jeans, cell phone and other ephemeral things. It's celebrating it with a heart that's loving the reason of having Christmas, Jesus Christ. In Christ, I feel complete, His love fills my heart with happiness as I continue to worship Him with all of me.

Friday, November 6, 2009

one thing

There is this one thing I really miss doing. When I was in my high school, sophomore to senior years, I used to do it, more often than not and if I was given a chance. As I went to college, there were few opportunities to grasp in able to do the thing I miss doing. Until now, my body longing for it. I really miss performing. I miss dancing.

Whew! You don't know how I badly want to perform and dance again. Going back to my high school, I with my friends joined every dance contest there was in school, cheering competitions, the real dance competitions in our school, presentations, even there is a need of intermission number! Name it! Hahaha. I was indeed a very active student back then. Well, besides that I really love doing it, I need to have some extra curricular activity for my honor thing (unluckily, I was not part of the honorable mentions! LOL). Anyways, I miss the feeling of performing in front of so many people. The feeling that you can show them that you really got some dancing skills, the smile I make when I perform, the cheering of the crowd, the feeling you get from all those things. Whoop! Not to mention of the feeling of winning and being praised by those whom you don't know. Aaarrgggghh! I so miss it.

In my college, I only performed very seldom. Presentation for Thinkers EEC and Induction, mini-cheering competitions in Mapua-IEEE. Yeah. That's why I am willing to teach little steps in mini-cheering competitions even though I'm not an applicant of IEEE anymore. Hahaha. I just love dancing, that's all.

Now that I am not privileged to showcase my dancing prowess, hahahaha! Call me lunatic, crazy, anything! I dance even in our house! Of course when I'm alone! I'm not that freak, you know! Even before getting to sleep, I fantasize of performing in ASAP! I don't what I'm thinking! LOL. Maybe it's one of my ways to channel my longing for dancing. If I was given a chance anything related to dancing, hell I'll grab that chance! ^^

How about you, what do miss doin'?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

understanding & forgiving, emancipation, life

I was SCAMMED in Friends For Sale, not only ONCE but TWICE! Almost 1B of my money from that application was taken from me by two persons whom I don't know, who took advantage of my ability to give so much trust to people. I was mad, freaked out, cursed them.

I went to church just this morning. As I sing praise and worship songs, which happen that those were the songs I really like, in an instant I realized so many things regarding my FFS.

UNDERSTANDING and FORGIVING

Those people who scammed me reasoned out that they too were scammed by other people. In order to get their money back, they have to scam back. One of those said (quoting):

"hi.. sorry.. but i was scammed by a Guy.. Named Mesho.. but theres nothing i could to but to SCAMMED BACK.. sorry :(

"HOPE u understand my friend EDDIE.. sometimes we NEED to be CRUEL in order to be KIND.. BAD people can make us DO BAD THINGS.. sorry for the Guy who i just scammed.. its just that.. i got scammed.. and its part of the game.. sorry :)"

I know he's a little bit unreasonable. The equation BAD+BAD=KIND is unequal not to mathematics but to all who love and hate math. When I was first scammed, my mind never suggested to me, not even a bit, to scam others in order to regain what was stolen from me. I was mad, I freaked out, I cursed them. WAS.

Understand - that's the first thing that came to me. Even though it had been difficult for me, I must understand. God wants me to. I know, before I can forgive other people, I must understand them. True, isn't? I freaked out because, at first I didn't understand. But when I tried, that out of madness also, they scammed others, me, I feel that I can forgive them. Now, I did. I forgive them, without any other conviction and hesitation, I forgive them =) In return, please forgive me for the things I have done. Sorry.

EMANCIPATION

Nothing. I just realized how I become such a slave by facebook that I really got really affected by this incident. I know. I reacted much with such pathetic application. I AM A FACEBOOK ADDICT. Hell yeah I admit! And yeah I'm pathetic! Facebook has takin' over my studies, time, sleeping habit, my life! :(

In order for me to avoid more problems caused by this addiction, I'll try to lessen (no, I'LL LESSEN) my facebook-hours. Until I can have a life independent of this site. Please pray for me. I'm the chef, pilot, farmer of my own life!

LIFE

SCAM. Though that was just a game, I thought, "If they can do this in a game, there is a probability that they can do it in real life," am I right? yeah. I mean, they're mind were corrupted that they thought of taking advantage of others. There will come a point that they have to do it because others had done it to them. Same principle, right? The difference? It'll be, in any form, more painful, wouldn't it? That's cruelty. That's life. I still can't imagine my life when I step out of my college. One thing must be done, I must equip my self well. Build my beliefs, my principle, my faith. :)

A simple experience made me realize so many things! I hope you too were able to grasp what I conveyed.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

what will it be for me?

I just don't know what my life will be for the next years. I just don't know.

At the moment, I am having my internship in Trend Micro here in the Philippines. Something sadden me when I heard something that the employees there were discussing.

I was downloading files from a certain site when my sense of hearing caught me and diverted my attention to listen to what the employees have been talking about. I didn't actually understood what they were conveying but I'm sure it was work related. My mood became gloomy when an employee asked to his friend how old he was. "26!" he said. I wondered why hasn't he had a family yet? Actually, that was a dumb question for me. Why? Because the one who was asked with his age is gay.

The Law here in the Philippines does not permit gay marriage, and so is our nation. It is unacceptable, to their eyes, especially to God's. Some people disgust these gay people, don't they. How more is man-to-man relationship? I am gay, so what is it for me as I grow older?

It sadden me, really to think about my situation for the next years. I am not saying that no one will love me, just for once, for the rest of my life. But when you have that someone whom you will be walking down the isle and whom you'll share everything to you, it's like you partner saying you, "I'll be with you. 'Till death do as apart." Will I have like that someone that will also share his life with me, until we die? This was the only time I thought about this 'coz for the past years I realized I like being gay, I am happy. Not because of being gay but having people that always make me realize that being like this is not the basis of happiness. That it is always myself to make it, to choose happiness. I haven't had any gay relationship. I don't know why. I am still puzzled and I don't care. I am still happy now even though there is a little part in my heart that is longing for sharing a different kind of love to another. But I am totally of aware that as I continue living my life, this little longing part of my heart will continue to get bigger until finally it meets its someone, or worse eat my whole heart.

I don't know, I really don't. I want to be cared and be loved. Who will that 'someone' be? =(

Friday, September 25, 2009

my comfort song, what's yours?

I've been depressed for so long now because of all the school works and the pressure from it. Really, BIG TIME! Whenever I can't contain all these things, hate to admit, I just simply cry. Cry all the pain from inside, at least to get rid even just a little of this pain. After I do the crying, there's just one thing I really wanted to do - to listen. Feel the stillness of everything and listen to anything that my ears will hear; the chirping of birds, sound of raindrops dropping from the gutter, the sound of the leaves as they are being blown by wind. Simple things that make me relax, feel a little better. But one thing that never fails to give me the true rest when all troubles seem to overtook me is listening to my comfort songs, Christian songs.

Though there are so many contemporary music that I can really relate to, Christian songs still give a different impact. This is solely because the theme is about God. I am a true believer. I continue to love him because of the blessings He continue to give me; safety of my beloved family and having real friends I can rely on, and I can't imagine my life without Him in my life. I love him. So, everytime I listen to those kinds of songs, I remember God and his promises to His children, to us.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

God keeps on reminding me of this word of His as I play Christian songs. As I listen to it, I find my rest as I have realized that God will always be there to understand and to comfort me. When I feel hopeless, He will make a way where there seems to be no way. He is my hope, my refuge and my strength when all seem to fail. Messages conveyed from these Christian songs are much stronger when you sing it, as if the song becomes your prayer. You praise God through music and talk to Him through your heart. Singing these will unveil what your heart really desires and God will see it. As what the saying goes, "Let your heart do the talking." Whenever I do this, I give everything to God. I let Him take care of everything, everything. This puts me to rest, give me comfort.

Now you know what is one of the things that still keeps me moving, keeping me on my feet on the middle of trouble.

Friday, September 18, 2009

death: are you ready?

I'll tell you a sad story I had experience few months ago.

When I, with my highschool friends, was watching a movie in a mall in Makati, I received a text message coming from my mom. My mood changed from excited to sad and began to get worried. According to my mom, her mother died that morning. My grandmother died. The one who took care of us when we were in our province (Pangasinan). As the movie continues to play, my mind also continues to reminisce the experiences I had in our province, those memories when my grandmother was still alive. I went home immediately after the movie to see my mother. I went to our terrace to find her lying on the floor with my dad (that's where they usually sleep when the climate gets hot). I don't know how to console her. I know she cried a lot from the sound of her voice. Just so you know, each family member of mine isn't showy when it comes to strong emotion as such. Feeling awkward to console, I just asked her when will we go back to our province for her mother's burial. From the conversation we had, I can tell how she 's trying to keep on her feet, trying to look that she's strong.

Even though I had problems with my on-the-job training, my dad and I were still able to go to Pangasinan (my mother immediately went there a day after she heard the news). She was the one who waited for us in the bus terminal in our province. She looked very tired but very happy to see me and my dad. I wasn't talking when we had our way to our grandparent's house where the body of my grandmother laid. It was only dad who kept asking how were things going. If I talk that time, I'll cry, I knew it.

When we reached our grandparents' house, I immediately went to see her. She looked the same when I last saw her, besides the fact that she really wore that very white make up. All seem to be normal (of course except the feeling of loss). Every relative asked me how I was, which is a usual thing for us Filipinos to do when one didn't see another for a long time. Staying there was like filling my heart my memories. Things will never be the same again without my grandmother when I go to that place, which made me really sad. But seeing my relatives, on my mother side, reunite puts a little happiness in my heart. I know my mother missed those people. I was introduced to a lot of relatives, some of which my mother told me took care of me when I was still a toddler. Though felt awkward, I had conversation with these relatives of mine. Each of them has a story to tell about my grandmother which made me miss her more.

When the night fell, a church service was conducted in front of the house. I wanted to see the service but the sermon was spoken in different language. To pay respect for the pastor who was presiding the service and for my grandmother, I 'listened' to his sermon. After this, a band came. My mom told me that the band was included on the burial service they availed. At first, sad songs were played, maybe a little respect for the dead. After few songs, they sang a lot more lively songs. I told myself, this will keep me awake until morning. I planned to stay until morning, a little sacrifice for my grandmother before she will be carried to the cemetery, but I failed. Indeed, a sleepyhead.

Morning came, I felt that the atmosphere was very gloomy. People around me weren't speaking that much. I also felt it, the sadness after realizing that this will be the day that my grandmother will be buried. I took my bath and prepared to walk my grandmother to cemetery with my parents and relatives. The staff from the burial service came, fixing those that should be. I heard one of my aunts scream, crying. I didn't want to go inside the house. I'll cry if I do. I don't want to cry. My uncle also screamed. The emotions inside the house were all so nerve racking., with all the whining. My mother was also inside. She didn't scream. When the staff brought out the coffin, my aunts and uncles, including my mother followed my grandmother. I seldom see my mother cry, compared to my father. But at the moment I saw her there, following my grandma's coffin, she looked like she cried a drum of tears. The picture of that made my heart break, until now. I don't know how is it like to loose a mother but I feel her, at that moment. The pastor from yesterday gave a short message. When he finished his sermon, most people came to my gradma's coffin to see her, a last look. Most people now were crying, my other aunts, cousins, nieces, my grandma's friends and others who were so close to my grandmother. I wore my shades, I am about to cry at the moment. Then the burial director gave her staff a signal to bring the coffin inside the vehicle. My uncle continued to whine for his mother. As soon as the body was inside the vehicle, songs were played, Christian songs. When I heard these songs (I forgot the title, I remembered one, 'Magnificent' by Hillsong), my tears began to make its way in my eyes. It's too early, not now, I told myself. "It will be a long way", my mother said to my dad and to me. "No matter how long the way is, I'll be on your side, mom and grandma" I told myself.

The climate was definitely hot and the way was so long! Yet, I walked with my parents stayed beside the vehicle where my grandma rests. But it was unbearable! The heat! So, all of us decided to ride a tricycle going to the cemetery. I was always beside my mother all the time.

On the cemetery, my aunties asked to remove the lid of the coffin to see my grandmother for the last time. When the staff did, tears began to drop almost from everyone's eyes, but not mine. That's before my mother started to cry again.

It was my first time see her on that state, whining! I never heard my mom whine like that! Damn! Both hands of hers were touching the face of my grandma, as if telling her mother , "I love you! I love you! I love you!" I felt it. I can't help it. I cried, cried like the first hurting I had when I was in highschool. I grabbed her hand, gently taking them off from the face of her mom, as if telling her, "Mom, it's time for you to let go, let go of grandma. I'm here, I won't leave you. I love you!" I gave her a hug. It was my first time to give her a hug like, grabbing her hands and locking her face on mine, telling her that I won't leave her that I will stay by her side no matter what. Hugging my mother made me asked my self, if she would die, will I be ready?

NO! I know I can't! Thinking of that makes my heart break into pieces. I love my mom, my dad, my sisters! I'm not ready! No one will. All I know is that when that time comes, I'll cry cry and cry! As time goes by, little by little, I will have to accept the loss in able for me to move on with my life. When that day comes, I'll kling to God. Nothing is permanent in this world aside from God's love (Psalm 136:26),

Continue to show your love to all people you value, especially to your family. So that when God is taking that important person of yours back, pain will be less and you have nothing to regret. Always remember, everything has its purpose, even death. Always remember John 3:16.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF FELIPA SEMBRAN MENDOZA

miss this!

it's been a while since I posted a blog, and I miss this! please watch out for my newest entry, coming in a few more days. LOL

Sunday, July 5, 2009

fate vs will

It was last night that I saw a gist of, maybe, the cruelty of life. I was walking inside this "Park and Ride", a public place where public utility vehicles usually park theirs and noticed this guy, standing; he's around 25 years old and was looking steadily at something. When I came to cross this person and looked what he was looking, I saw what he was staring at. It was a menu. He was standing in front of a little, cheap (just an adjective) public restaurant. I said to myself; "This guy must really be hungry." As I go to ride a bus going home, passing through more little restaurants, I noticed that the same guy was now in front of me. He was looking around for more restaurants, on their menu. I also looked on their menu. They were all offering food that’s really inexpensive. As I continue to observe him, I noticed that he just passed the restaurant where a meal costs around 45php (less than a dollar) and still looked for other place to eat. For a restaurant offering food with that cheap amount, did he not consider it where he can sit and eat? Maybe yes, or maybe not. Maybe he was being thrifty because of the economic crisis we have right now. From that point, I came to realize how lucky I am. I can buy my food that can cost around 150php (3 dollars), go shopping whenever I wanted, etc. How about that guy? Does he still have some money where he can buy a new pair of jeans? Shoes? shirts?

I was thinking of many possibilities. Maybe, his family was not that wealthy, or something disastrous happened to them that made them less fortunate, or maybe they were bankrupt because of something. Maybe, his parents are unemployed, and do not have any plans in searching for one, or he was just lazy studying during his school days that he never finished his studies, or I don’t know. After realizing this, I asked myself, is he just a victim of fate? Or it is just his fault why he is in that condition? I don’t know.

I also had some unfortunate event that I will never forget. At first, I thought it was someone else’s fault. I pointed the blame on others. I always do. I cried a lot and hate a lot of people. As I grew older, when I looked back from those times, I also thought that it was also my fault why it happened to me. I tried to fixed things up and I did, we all did. After that, I reached a sound mind and a sound heart. I was really happy.

The thing is, it’s inevitable. That bad fate we can get from living in this world. Whenever we experience something like this, the first instinct is to blame it to something or someone. We always say, “You have a bad luck.” Is that really the reason why we experience these kinds of things? Do we really have to point our fingers to our fate? That we’re destined to be in that position? Only a part of it is true. We decide for ourselves and these decisions affect others. It is our will that put us all in our position, and no one else, nothing else. Let us all try to think first of the effect of our action before we do it. We are not entitled to do something that can hurt others, that’s a natural law. And if we are a victim of some really bad circumstances, do we have to remain on that position? Or we can stand up and try to make it a little better?

We may all encounter some bad fate as we go on with our lives. But our will to work on these things make us live a better, fulfilling life.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

never hurt a friend! :(

That's what I learned today. Even if she pisses you, she doesn't deserve to be hurt. All you have to do is calm yourself and forgive, try to turn things out a little better not only for her, but also for your sake. Now, me and my friend were both hurt on what I did to her and I am really sorry for that. :( I feel bad for hurting my friend. I'm sorry.

Monday, June 29, 2009

again

I feel weak. I need strength. Lord, please help me T.T

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

No Directions

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play." -Arnold J. Toynbe

It's been two months, or maybe when the day I stopped becoming one, since I become an officer of the Mapua-IEEE, my beloved organization. Since the day that I resigned or whatever, though changes are inevitable, it never occurred to me that it will result to this.

As what the title of my blog says, I have no directions! I think that this is the effect of not being involved in the organization as an officer anymore. When I started to become an officer, serving as an Assistant CoE Coordinator in the Research and Development Committee and later as the Research Coordinator of the same committee, I was eager to do things that concern the organization. I attended every committee and general meetings as much as I could (though I missed a couple because of some reasons), I prepared the form for one of the seminars and some minutes and assessments that my boss, Arjie and Ching told me to do, did all the pre parations for the Project Design Competition (the event being held by the Mapua-IEEE organized by the RnD Committee), etc while performing well with my studies. I did all of those eagerly and whole-heartedly because I love this organization. When I resigned in my post and not accepted the offer to become the head of the committee I belong, I think that was the time I started to become "wasted".

I don't want to elaborate more of this me being wasted. Some people might get angry when they read this blog if I elaborate it. The thing is, in terms of my academic studies, comparing it to my previous performances, I poorly do my works now. I focus myself more of playing Restaurant City in Facebook, digging in Digg, etc instead of doing my paper works. D*mn! Pity. LOL. More or less, this is the effect of me resigning. Mapua-IEEE has done so much in my stay in Mapua. It thought me the PILER (Professionalism, Integrity, Leadership, Espri de Corps, Remuneration). I know it is wrong to act, or in any form, blame anything. I know the way I act right now is wrong. I realize that. Actually, I try to regain my self again. I hope it won't last long. I have to be at my best. I'm about to graduate now. I MUST BE AT MY BEST! :(

Sunday, June 21, 2009

You Never Learned, You Mother Fcking Assh*le!

I can't this anymore! I don't think I had the problem when we were in our High School days! I think it is you, Edward! (magalit na gustong magalit pero i-bo-blog ko pa rin 'to!)

I heard so many stories of you and your not-moving-on thing and unfaithfulness. Yeah. First story was when we had our HS reunion. You never came there. We wondered why until Mario saw your text message to my friend Marriane, who happens to be your girlfriend, saying something like she's with us in an out-most disgust to us, including your closest friends, the boys! For me, that was really pissing. What more with the side of the boys, right??? I don't know what to say on how he has reciprocated every time my friends and I are with his girlfriend. Take note of this, he's being jealous with one of his used-to-be closest friend, Joshua. For what reason?? I really don't get you! We already settled everything when we had our retreat, right?? How come you still had some bitterness towards us?

Second, still in our HS reunion is the sex thing when we were in our junior years in HS. F*ck you! You used to be mad to me (I think until know) being so close to your girl and the hugging thing that made my HS days the worst days of my life. Then, I heard from the boys that Catherine (one of our classmates in HS), gave you a bj while you and my FRIEND Marriane are together??? Crap! What the hell was that???? I don't get you, boys! You are being jealous of other people while you are doing something that will not only make girls hurt but also make the relationship rotten, and eventually be broken. Marriane still doesn't know about this, be thankful! As*h*le!

Lastly, the girl on your school. You were flirting with her knowing that you were with my other friends, Dheziree and Jeena! That really great! I applaud you for being a true freaking pain in the a*s! Marriane never cried when she heard this, she told us she had enough of the crying and she better talk to Edward regarding the issue. I pity my girl friend. She's doing everything to make the relationship work, but you are giving her reasons to end what the both of you have right now. I advised her that she should get rid of you. An unfaithful person will always be unfaithful for the rest of his life.

Between the two of us, undeniably you were the more 'immature', together with your little devils sitting on your shoulders. You better drag yourself to hell!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

that's the way is it

This song is one of those that continue to inspire me to move forward.

For me, love will always be with us, anytime, anywhere. We just don't see it 'coz we are blinded on what we want to see. Most of the time, we are focused on what we like to get that we do not appreciate things that truly make us happy.

How about your family? When was the last time you said that you love them? Ok. Maybe you'll reason action speaks louder than words. I'll change the question. Ask yourself, "Have I really shown my family how I love them?" Simple thank you's and do the things that give simple happiness to them will mean a lot. Presence also means everything to them. Why am I saying this? They will always be there with you all the time. They won't let you down. Comfort you when you're hurt. Leture you when you need it. Acompany you when you're alone. They're everything you could wish for. They will always show us the definition of unconditional love. Let's appreciate them more.

Friends, your family outside the house. They know all of your secrets, know most of your feelings, make you laugh hard when all comes to disaster, take away pain in the sweetest ways, knock you on the head when you're being stupid, they can be everything to you. So, never take them for granted. Let's appreciate the things they're doing for us.

The all-we-know-love, lovers thing, dunno what to say 'coz haven't had any. hehe

To summarize, love will always be there, in any form, in anyway. Love will always find you. Appreciate it! ;)

Something that fills-in

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I needed that

Worst consultation ever! Grabe! Pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ung pagrerevise ng Chapter 1 ng documentation para sa design namin buong hapon. Kasama ko si Shid sa GS na nagrerevise! Sobrang isip ako kung ano ba ang dapat ilagay sa bawat parts. Kahit na sobrang antok na ko kakagawa ng Software Design namin, isip pa rin ako ng mga ilalagay sa documentation.

Design 2 na namin. Confident ako na maguiging maayos ang aming Chaper 1 sa sobrang pag-iisip namin ni Shid sa mga ilalagay namin dun. Hindi ko inexpect ang nangyari. NASABON KAMI! Grabe! Sobrang nakakaiyak yung mga sinasabi niya. I-relevant nga naman yung mga pinaglalagay ko dun sa paper namin. May iba pang kelangan suplyan ng tamang data na hindi nakalagay sa paper namin. Huhu. Parang umitkot ang buong araw ko kakagawa ng paper na yun tapos nasabon lang kami. Tama naman lahat ng sinabi ni sir. Kaya nga medyo masakit para sa akin. Down ako ng buong hapon na yun. Tinignan ko yung paper ni Edmund na walang comment si sir. Straight to the point sila at nakalagay lang dun sa paper nila yung mga related sa design nila. Galing.... ni Allan! Haha! chalk lang! lol.

Ayun, down na nga ako! Kaya dali dali akong umalis ng school para pumunta sa birthday celebration ng aking bff na si Dheziree! Nakita ko siya kasama ng aking iba pang matatalik na kaibigan! I was really really happy to see them. Noong nakita ko sila, naging maayos na ang mood ko. Sobra. Sila lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin ng ganito. Nakakalimutan ko ang lahat ng problema ko kapag kasama ko sila. Maiihalintulad sa pag-inum ng alak pero walang tama. Saya lang ang dulot nito at walang hilo! haha.

Kaya naman sinamantala ko na yung time na kasama ko sila. Nakipag minggle ako kay Gelo. Tawa ng tawa. Patawa si Micah. Tawa tawa. Si Eidelle hindi makakalagpas ng SM Bacoor kasi nahihilo agad. Tawa tawa. Kapag nasa coastal road na siya, amy multa na siya kasi wala na siya sa Bacoor. Tawa tawa. Porma ni Cherry sa pics! Weeee. Ang mga sex stories nung ibang mga babae dun, medyo nkakawindang peru medyo sanay na sa ganun. Haha. Ang saya talaga kapag kasama ko sila! Salamat sa birthday celebration ni Dhez at nagsamasama ulit kami. Limot ang problema, may ngiti oang kasama!

Happy Bday Jejery (Dhez) (^^,) mwah!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I happen to miss Someone ;(

Hmmm.. How will I start this blog? Well, here it goes. I really miss this person.

.The person I used to talk to when craziness envelopes my mind. The one that makes it crazier and we laugh our heart out, thinking those things.

.The person I used to talk to when I need to know some nose-bleeding terms. The one that is equipped with knowledge of almost everything. I say this person is a walking encyclopedia, like Kyle in Kyle XY (lol).

.The person that always feeds me with more information. The one who tells FYIs. I've learned so many things from this person. Knows almost everything!

.The person I used to talk to when I need to have a good conversation. Never fails on giving me nice talks.

.The person that gives me a hard laugh when I need one. Makes me forget the things I worry even for a short time.

I really miss this person. But I think this person doesn't feel the same way T.T Can't blame that one. I think I offended that person one way or another from what I did (which is by the way fooling them). When I did that, the friendship never came back and I am still afraid of talking to this person. I really am.

Sorry if I offended you. Hope you can forgive me if you were hurt. I was too, you know. But you're already forgiven. I hope fate will make us friends again. I'll be looking forward on that day. And when that day comes, I'll never give any reason to hate me! ;)

I miss you!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms!

I want to share a very nice Bible verse to all of you.

Proverbs 31:10-31

A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their task to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: Her lamp goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh linen garments and selleth them, And delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing; And she laugheth at the time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And the law of kindness is on her tongue. She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband [also], and he praiseth her, [saying]: Many daughters have done worthily, But thou excellest them all. Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; [But] a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates.

Love of a Mother to her child is always tantamount to unconditional love. Well, it has always been like that. Jesus always bless all mothers who play their role to her family.

Today, while we were in church, I did what I don''t usually do. I gave my mom a big big hug and told her Happy Mother's day and utter silently that I love her. I don't know if she heard me. But, it felt all good. Haha. Really.I am blessed for having a mother like my mom. She's perfect and will always be. I love my mom!

And to all mothers out there, I greet yall a happy mothers day! *hugs* ;)

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