I just feel letting this thing out. I don't know how to but to put it into words. Hope you can all bear with it :)
I feel very disappointed at the moment towards myself when all I just wanted was to have fun with my friends, to celebrate with them for our college graduation. I admit, I just had too much of these rendezvous with my friends. I always wanted to be them and try not to miss a single "unforgettable" moment. 'Coz when I do, they always have something to say. Though I know that they we're just that advantage to make some fun conversation, every single word being uttered creates a hole of regret in me. And each seem to get bigger the moment they talk about it and it eats me whole. The feeling of catching up with them allows me to gain more of fun memories to remember. I realized now that I may have possessed those memories-worth-remembering with them, I also lose something very important with me, the trust of my parents. I feel that as I grow closer to my friends, the farther I go from my parents.
I feel really bad right now. I do most of the things I do for myself and for my family. But, these past few days, I think I focused on making myself happy that I didn’t consider my parents - how they feel that I always spent too much of my time being with my friends compared to the time I spent with them. I now ask myself: Are all those moments with my friends really worth possessing if I already lose one of the most important things in me, the trust of my parents? Honestly, I don’t know. But whatever it is, I have to gain what I just lost. I have to prove them that I am the opposite of what they think I am. I have to redeem myself from the unworthy-ness I am currently in. It was my mistake to always choosing being with them. And now, I think I should have NOT attended the graduation party. Sorry, and to myself as well.
*SOB*
I feel very disappointed at the moment towards myself when all I just wanted was to have fun with my friends, to celebrate with them for our college graduation. I admit, I just had too much of these rendezvous with my friends. I always wanted to be them and try not to miss a single "unforgettable" moment. 'Coz when I do, they always have something to say. Though I know that they we're just that advantage to make some fun conversation, every single word being uttered creates a hole of regret in me. And each seem to get bigger the moment they talk about it and it eats me whole. The feeling of catching up with them allows me to gain more of fun memories to remember. I realized now that I may have possessed those memories-worth-remembering with them, I also lose something very important with me, the trust of my parents. I feel that as I grow closer to my friends, the farther I go from my parents.
I feel really bad right now. I do most of the things I do for myself and for my family. But, these past few days, I think I focused on making myself happy that I didn’t consider my parents - how they feel that I always spent too much of my time being with my friends compared to the time I spent with them. I now ask myself: Are all those moments with my friends really worth possessing if I already lose one of the most important things in me, the trust of my parents? Honestly, I don’t know. But whatever it is, I have to gain what I just lost. I have to prove them that I am the opposite of what they think I am. I have to redeem myself from the unworthy-ness I am currently in. It was my mistake to always choosing being with them. And now, I think I should have NOT attended the graduation party. Sorry, and to myself as well.
*SOB*
1 comment:
emo.. very emo.. :)
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