a blog of apology

Sorry. Yan ang dapat na unang sabihin ko. Sa totoo lang, nahihiya ako sa sarili ko at sa inyo tungkol last night. I was really drunk and maybe that was the worst drunk experience I had. I threw up ng madaming beses tapos sinaktan ko pa si Gelo at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Sorry talaga Gelo. I feel really really bad at the moment at dahil ito sa aking pagiinom. Hindi ko na nacontrol ang sarili ko. Akala ko dati, kaya ko ang sarili ko pag lasing, masaya pag umiinom because of the experiences I had during my college time. Hindi pala sa lahat ng pagkakataon. I owe all of you an apology, sobra. Sobrang naiiyak ako ngayon. Nang dahil sa bisyo ko, I hurt my friend. Ngayon, hindi ko alam kung paano ako haharap sa inyong lahat. Siguro, I really have to change, alisin na ang aking bisyo na pag-inom. Pwede naman akong magsaya ng hindi umiinom, ‘di ba? Kapag magkakasama tayo, ‘di ba masaya nay un? ‘di ba? I promise to all of you, hindi na ako magpapakalasing! Or better, hindi na ako iinom! I hope you can forgive me. I love you all, BFFs!!! :(

Salamat nga pala sa pagaasikaso sa akin kahapon

super emo mode. haha

I just feel letting this thing out. I don't know how to but to put it into words. Hope you can all bear with it :)

I feel very disappointed at the moment towards myself when all I just wanted was to have fun with my friends, to celebrate with them for our college graduation. I admit, I just had too much of these rendezvous with my friends. I always wanted to be them and try not to miss a single "unforgettable" moment. 'Coz when I do, they always have something to say. Though I know that they we're just that advantage to make some fun conversation, every single word being uttered creates a hole of regret in me. And each seem to get bigger the moment they talk about it and it eats me whole. The feeling of catching up with them allows me to gain more of fun memories to remember. I realized now that I may have possessed those memories-worth-remembering with them, I also lose something very important with me, the trust of my parents. I feel that as I grow closer to my friends, the farther I go from my parents.

I feel really bad right now. I do most of the things I do for myself and for my family. But, these past few days, I think I focused on making myself happy that I didn’t consider my parents - how they feel that I always spent too much of my time being with my friends compared to the time I spent with them. I now ask myself: Are all those moments with my friends really worth possessing if I already lose one of the most important things in me, the trust of my parents? Honestly, I don’t know. But whatever it is, I have to gain what I just lost. I have to prove them that I am the opposite of what they think I am. I have to redeem myself from the unworthy-ness I am currently in. It was my mistake to always choosing being with them. And now, I think I should have NOT attended the graduation party. Sorry, and to myself as well.

*SOB*