I just don't know what my life will be for the next years. I just don't know.
At the moment, I am having my internship in Trend Micro here in the Philippines. Something sadden me when I heard something that the employees there were discussing.
I was downloading files from a certain site when my sense of hearing caught me and diverted my attention to listen to what the employees have been talking about. I didn't actually understood what they were conveying but I'm sure it was work related. My mood became gloomy when an employee asked to his friend how old he was. "26!" he said. I wondered why hasn't he had a family yet? Actually, that was a dumb question for me. Why? Because the one who was asked with his age is gay.
The Law here in the Philippines does not permit gay marriage, and so is our nation. It is unacceptable, to their eyes, especially to God's. Some people disgust these gay people, don't they. How more is man-to-man relationship? I am gay, so what is it for me as I grow older?
It sadden me, really to think about my situation for the next years. I am not saying that no one will love me, just for once, for the rest of my life. But when you have that someone whom you will be walking down the isle and whom you'll share everything to you, it's like you partner saying you, "I'll be with you. 'Till death do as apart." Will I have like that someone that will also share his life with me, until we die? This was the only time I thought about this 'coz for the past years I realized I like being gay, I am happy. Not because of being gay but having people that always make me realize that being like this is not the basis of happiness. That it is always myself to make it, to choose happiness. I haven't had any gay relationship. I don't know why. I am still puzzled and I don't care. I am still happy now even though there is a little part in my heart that is longing for sharing a different kind of love to another. But I am totally of aware that as I continue living my life, this little longing part of my heart will continue to get bigger until finally it meets its someone, or worse eat my whole heart.
I don't know, I really don't. I want to be cared and be loved. Who will that 'someone' be? =(
